Fridazed

On the muni traveling on 17th

1 hour late to the hospital even though

I set my alarm at three

a.m, no work but I’m not on vacation

Sitting in the bus looking outside

Surrounded by gentrification

An old Filipino lady next to me asking if I knew her uncle

I said no relation

Almost missed my stop, can’t even remember how to use public transportation 🤦🏽‍♀️

No paper and pen cause of technology advances

Nowadays kids can’t tell the difference with what’s on a screen to how real life bypasses

Using this phone, constantly looking down, pushing up my glasses

Should’ve got lasik, but if the doctors mess up

No second chances

Like I told my baby daddy years ago

No second chances

Like I told my ex, who don’t even know what his future plans is

Like I’ll tell my next relationship, mess up

No second chances

Cause half of these men out here don’t even know what real romance is

My backpack is full, while they’re over here half assin,

Now I’m just ramblin

Just trying to get to the hospital before

my daughter’s bone marrow transplant and

She gets second chances

Scrolling through Facebook reading comments from strangers,

Posting up prayers more than the ones

Who claim to be my one dayers

Next thing you know I’ll see a subliminal

two minutes later

After speaking the truth, as usual

another undercover hater

2 buses and a crowded train ride

Going up the elevator, 2 hallways down

straight to the right,

Laying in her bed, with a heart bigger

than her height

Hey baby girl, I finally made it, now let’s wrap this shit up and win this fight.

I haven’t posted much about my previous travels, I will soon, I promise, but to catch you up on some things, my daughter is suffering from Germinoma, which is a form of Brain Cancer. The severity of the cancer has taken her mobility and most of cognitive function away. She is also suffering from dementia caused by the cancer. Because of this, my daughter is now in a wheelchair and needs assistance when getting from point A to B. Sometimes she’s coherent, but there are days where she mixes me up with her dad or grandma. Sometimes she thinks it’s still June when it’s December. It seems like she’s a totally different person now and I am still coming to terms that she’s not the same. She’s not the Deyzha I knew a year ago who would go running 2 miles with me at the Waterfront.

In August 2018, she underwent brain surgery then she was diagnosed with cancer the month after. We only had two options for treatment. I chose the 2nd option since more kids with Germinoma responded to this treatment as opposed to the first option. On the downside, this specific treatment required 3 cycles of chemotherapy, 9 days straight of 3 high dose chemo drugs, stem cell harvest and a bone marrow transplant.

This treatment also required me to become a nurse overnight. At home I had to flush her central line once a day, draw her blood, and give her injections in the evening. And I HATE NEEDLES. I literally had to suck it up in just a weeks worth of training. I was scared.

I literally had to push my work and social life to the side so I could put all of my focus on her. Honestly, I never had any time to grieve, up until now that it’s almost over and our family can focus on her recovery. But I gotta admit, I have an occasional breakdown where I become a big overdramatic crybaby. You can’t blame me though. I went through a LOT. Anyway, the MRI before her most recent MRI showed that the cancer was going away. So I’m hoping that result still stands.

This is definitely not a trip to New York but it has been a journey. Which is why I decided to share this huge piece of my life with you.

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